Moving Forward

3 min read

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YukiWolfe's avatar
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As a child, I was raised with the belief that there would always be someone there to save me, or at least lend a hand when the going got rough. Yet, it seemed the more I reached out, the more I drowned, with no hands to help me back up. I'd have the life preserver that was my parents to keep me afloat in that sea of loneliness, but, I guess, somewhere along the way, I learned to swim. I stopped waiting for someone to rescue me, I picked myself up, and when I did let people in my life, it was only to let them push me through the currents. They're still there when the tide gets high and the currents are rough, but I'm the captain of my ship, here to tell my story. I just wish, I'd had someone teach me to swim, so maybe I'd have a first mate to help steer the boat when I grow weary. I wish someone had been there for me, so I wouldn't have so many walls up. I wish I'd never had to be alone, because I've grown so used to it, that when I don't want to be alone, I somehow, still end up that way. It's never them, it's me. My ship is sinking with a crew only big enough to just keep it afloat. A crew that's loyal, and passionate, but one I can't find myself able to trust enough, and I know it hurts them, and it's killing me too. Every day "I'm sorry"'s passes my lips at least once, and all I hear is that I have "nothing to apologize for" but the loneliness is killing us all, poisoning the relationships I've worked so hard to obtain. Every day it just seems that all I know how to do is sabotage myself. I'm trying to work past it, but it takes time, time that we don't always have, which is why I don't go a day without apologizing to someone, so, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I am like this, and I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm working to become a better me, one day at a time. That's all I've ever wanted to be, and maybe one day, I'll find someone to captain my ship with me. I'm sorry this is long, but I thank you for reading and for putting up with my angst. I want to tell you all why I just throw this stuff up here, but I know that on the road to improving myself, I don't always have to explain myself either, but today, I will. In it's simplest form, I feel it, and I let it go. I let it fly out here so I don't have to keep it pent up, so it doesn't have to haunt me like things from the past. Because it's in the past, and I am moving forward.
© 2015 - 2024 YukiWolfe
Comments1
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lydia-san's avatar
Awee I'm so sorry to hear all your problems :(
I think it's okay to let it out, I can't help much but I do wish everything would be better soon T_T