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As a child, I was raised with the belief that there would always be someone there to save me, or at least lend a hand when the going got rough. Yet, it seemed the more I reached out, the more I drowned, with no hands to help me back up. I'd have the life preserver that was my parents to keep me afloat in that sea of loneliness, but, I guess, somewhere along the way, I learned to swim. I stopped waiting for someone to rescue me, I picked myself up, and when I did let people in my life, it was only to let them push me through the currents. They're still there when the tide gets high and the currents are rough, but I'm the captain of my ship, here to tell my story. I just wish, I'd had someone teach me to swim, so maybe I'd have a first mate to help steer the boat when I grow weary. I wish someone had been there for me, so I wouldn't have so many walls up. I wish I'd never had to be alone, because I've grown so used to it, that when I don't want to be alone, I somehow, still end up that way. It's never them, it's me. My ship is sinking with a crew only big enough to just keep it afloat. A crew that's loyal, and passionate, but one I can't find myself able to trust enough, and I know it hurts them, and it's killing me too. Every day "I'm sorry"'s passes my lips at least once, and all I hear is that I have "nothing to apologize for" but the loneliness is killing us all, poisoning the relationships I've worked so hard to obtain. Every day it just seems that all I know how to do is sabotage myself. I'm trying to work past it, but it takes time, time that we don't always have, which is why I don't go a day without apologizing to someone, so, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I am like this, and I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm working to become a better me, one day at a time. That's all I've ever wanted to be, and maybe one day, I'll find someone to captain my ship with me. I'm sorry this is long, but I thank you for reading and for putting up with my angst. I want to tell you all why I just throw this stuff up here, but I know that on the road to improving myself, I don't always have to explain myself either, but today, I will. In it's simplest form, I feel it, and I let it go. I let it fly out here so I don't have to keep it pent up, so it doesn't have to haunt me like things from the past. Because it's in the past, and I am moving forward.
Proving A Point
2015 sucked, but it got better. My job was threatened because I couldn't keep pace. I kept a pace, but apparently not a good enough one for the kitchen, so my hours were cut, rather than my chef coming to me and talking about it until I showed up for work, WHEN I DIDN'T NEED TO (FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME). So basically, New Year's Eve had been my day to prove my worth to her. To show her I was needed in that kitchen. I believe I made my point because by the end, she was offering me more hours, and offering me more days to work. The point is, she made me feel worthless. Like I wasn't needed, adding to how I already felt inside. I was able to over
Two Steps Back
You know what sucks? Being judged constantly because I find other ways of doing crap - that's equally as effective. I can't constantly sweep and be hunched over because of my weight, so I do it in short bursts. Not as hard on my back, I'm getting more of an ab crunch effect/it helps work the core, and there's less of a chance that people are going to step in the dirt pile if it's small, plus it's easier to sweep into a dust pan. All they hear is whining when I try to explain myself. And of course I'm always told that I'm working too hard when the opposite is true. I'm not working hard enough and being told that I'm walking too much or working
Zombie Pony Plush Giveaway
Yet another wonderful plush by Kazzy's Plush Emporium is being given away! Good luck to all who enter and everyone have a wonderful October!
Deviantartist Questionaire
How long have you been on DeviantArt? Five Years
What does your username mean? My username was a combination of a character ~AnnaKitsun3 (https://www.deviantart.com/annakitsun3) and I came up with. Her name is Yuki, she's a white wolf with a brother who's all black named Biku. I spelled wolf with an E at the end so users could have freedom to pronounce it as Wolf or Wolf-E.
Describe yourself in three words.
Are you left or right handed? Right handed.
What was your first deviation? Gald you asked! My OC as a person Yuki
What is your favourite type of art to create? I love mixed media, and I'm also learning my way through digital.
If you could instantly master a different ar
© 2015 - 2024 YukiWolfe
Comments1
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Awee I'm so sorry to hear all your problems
I think it's okay to let it out, I can't help much but I do wish everything would be better soon T_T
I think it's okay to let it out, I can't help much but I do wish everything would be better soon T_T