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I believed in fairy tales as a child. I always imagined myself to be a princess, always thought there was a prince out there to save me. Then reality hit. As I grew up waiting, the beatings of life lessons grew harder, stronger. It was hard to keep waiting in that tower when all it did was rain. The waters rose, so I learned to swim. One day, I swam out the window. One day I found shore, no prince in sight. I built my own boat, and while it’s no ship, it’s strong enough that I stay afloat. There are days it’s difficult, but I returned to the flooded kingdom, and saw how much had changed from what I once remembered. I came back to my kingdom, to rule as queen, here upon my boat that’s floating in the sea, no one beside me. Every now and then I see passersby who offer help, but It’s been so long, I only know how to help myself. The kingdom eventually dried out, and there are those who come to call on me, but being at sea so long, learning to do it on my own, with no one to share anything with, has made me bitter and selfish. Somewhere along the way I lost that generosity, and put up walls. Somewhere, I grew up, all alone.
I Grew Up
I want a relationship, but, somewhere along the way, that want became less and less. I've been alone for so long that I really just don't care much. I'm sure I'll find someone but I wouldn't exactly mind being alone either.
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Haha, kinda need a shoulder to cry on if anyone is available/doesn't mind me venting? Sweating a little... Worried 
  • Listening to: Pandora
  • Playing: Undertale
  • Eating: Food
2015 sucked, but it got better. My job was threatened because I couldn't keep pace. I kept a pace, but apparently not a good enough one for the kitchen, so my hours were cut, rather than my chef coming to me and talking about it until I showed up for work, WHEN I DIDN'T NEED TO (FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME). So basically, New Year's Eve had been my day to prove my worth to her. To show her I was needed in that kitchen. I believe I made my point because by the end, she was offering me more hours, and offering me more days to work. The point is, she made me feel worthless. Like I wasn't needed, adding to how I already felt inside. I was able to overcome those feelings and prove her wrong, if only because it pissed me off. It's one thing for me to have those thoughts on my own. I don't need others to tell me that, or one day I might actually end up believing it. You have to choose your words carefully, and she did not. Words matter, not only the ones you tell yourself, but the ones you tell others as well. I do not like my job. I do not like my boss. She has lied to me on multiple occasions, or if at the very least, never been completely honest, and 'forgotten' to tell me not to come into work so many times even though she has a schedule posted in the kitchen as well as sitting on her computer. There is no communication in this kitchen and it's a wonder we get any of the orders done on time. Her slogan is 'Teamwork Makes the Dream Work' but how can we be called a team when all we do is fight and/or yell at one another? Easy to say I'm looking for another job and will only stay as long as I'm needed, which according to her, isn't long at all. Oh well, bye Felicia.
  • Listening to: Pandora
  • Playing: Undertale
  • Eating: Food
You know what sucks? Being judged constantly because I find other ways of doing crap - that's equally as effective. I can't constantly sweep and be hunched over because of my weight, so I do it in short bursts. Not as hard on my back, I'm getting more of an ab crunch effect/it helps work the core, and there's less of a chance that people are going to step in the dirt pile if it's small, plus it's easier to sweep into a dust pan. All they hear is whining when I try to explain myself. And of course I'm always told that I'm working too hard when the opposite is true. I'm not working hard enough and being told that I'm walking too much or working too hard is rather offensive. I took a job where I needed at least 8 hours on my feet where I can move around because I need to lose weight. When I'm told I'm working too hard and that I need to do it another way hurts me physically because I'm not getting that exorcise, and I'm not losing that weight. To top it off, my hours were cut drastically, to the point where I only work two other days this entire month, three days total. In the time I've been off, I've gained about ten pounds because I've been eating less because we don't have the money for groceries since my dad doesn't have a job anymore, and exorcising less because there's not as much house work as there is in a busy kitchen. My mom and I are now the primary bread winners, and with my hours cut, it's make us walk a razor's edge on if we can make all the bill payments. I'd file some sort of harassment suit if I knew it would make a difference or that I could prove anything beyond them thinking that I just have a bad attitude. I'm the biggest one in the kitchen, and from the time I started to now, I'd say that my complaints/needs for a break have gone down considerably seeing as how I rarely take a break other than when we all go on break other than restroom breaks, which average around 3. There's even been times where I've worked through our breaks knowing I'd be off the clock within an hour or less. Meanwhile shady business has been going down in hearing that they tried to cut out our already unpaid lunch breaks in order to cut costs, which is illegal. I just don't know what I'm doing at this place anymore. I'd quit if I had another job lined up. At least if they let me go I can file for unemployment and get a weekly $100 easily and I could probably get on somewhere else. The whole thing makes me sick. I was going to use the money to make sure I could help provide for my family with rent and bill payment, and save back money for myself so that I could go to college, but that's not going to happen now. I'm sorry for the depressing shit, but I just don't know what to do anymore...
  • Listening to: Pandora
  • Playing: Undertale
  • Eating: Food
As a child, I was raised with the belief that there would always be someone there to save me, or at least lend a hand when the going got rough. Yet, it seemed the more I reached out, the more I drowned, with no hands to help me back up. I'd have the life preserver that was my parents to keep me afloat in that sea of loneliness, but, I guess, somewhere along the way, I learned to swim. I stopped waiting for someone to rescue me, I picked myself up, and when I did let people in my life, it was only to let them push me through the currents. They're still there when the tide gets high and the currents are rough, but I'm the captain of my ship, here to tell my story. I just wish, I'd had someone teach me to swim, so maybe I'd have a first mate to help steer the boat when I grow weary. I wish someone had been there for me, so I wouldn't have so many walls up. I wish I'd never had to be alone, because I've grown so used to it, that when I don't want to be alone, I somehow, still end up that way. It's never them, it's me. My ship is sinking with a crew only big enough to just keep it afloat. A crew that's loyal, and passionate, but one I can't find myself able to trust enough, and I know it hurts them, and it's killing me too. Every day "I'm sorry"'s passes my lips at least once, and all I hear is that I have "nothing to apologize for" but the loneliness is killing us all, poisoning the relationships I've worked so hard to obtain. Every day it just seems that all I know how to do is sabotage myself. I'm trying to work past it, but it takes time, time that we don't always have, which is why I don't go a day without apologizing to someone, so, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I am like this, and I'm sorry this is so long, but I'm working to become a better me, one day at a time. That's all I've ever wanted to be, and maybe one day, I'll find someone to captain my ship with me. I'm sorry this is long, but I thank you for reading and for putting up with my angst. I want to tell you all why I just throw this stuff up here, but I know that on the road to improving myself, I don't always have to explain myself either, but today, I will. In it's simplest form, I feel it, and I let it go. I let it fly out here so I don't have to keep it pent up, so it doesn't have to haunt me like things from the past. Because it's in the past, and I am moving forward.

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YukiWolfe's Profile Picture
YukiWolfe
Kayli
United States
Current Residence: Independence MO
Favourite genre of music: Alternative
Operating System: Windows 7
Favourite cartoon character: Elsa
Personal Quote: A boob for a boob leaves the whole world flat chested
Credit for my profile picture goes to: xcolorblisssketchx.deviantart.…
Interests
  • Listening to: Pandora
  • Playing: Undertale
  • Eating: Food
2015 sucked, but it got better. My job was threatened because I couldn't keep pace. I kept a pace, but apparently not a good enough one for the kitchen, so my hours were cut, rather than my chef coming to me and talking about it until I showed up for work, WHEN I DIDN'T NEED TO (FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME). So basically, New Year's Eve had been my day to prove my worth to her. To show her I was needed in that kitchen. I believe I made my point because by the end, she was offering me more hours, and offering me more days to work. The point is, she made me feel worthless. Like I wasn't needed, adding to how I already felt inside. I was able to overcome those feelings and prove her wrong, if only because it pissed me off. It's one thing for me to have those thoughts on my own. I don't need others to tell me that, or one day I might actually end up believing it. You have to choose your words carefully, and she did not. Words matter, not only the ones you tell yourself, but the ones you tell others as well. I do not like my job. I do not like my boss. She has lied to me on multiple occasions, or if at the very least, never been completely honest, and 'forgotten' to tell me not to come into work so many times even though she has a schedule posted in the kitchen as well as sitting on her computer. There is no communication in this kitchen and it's a wonder we get any of the orders done on time. Her slogan is 'Teamwork Makes the Dream Work' but how can we be called a team when all we do is fight and/or yell at one another? Easy to say I'm looking for another job and will only stay as long as I'm needed, which according to her, isn't long at all. Oh well, bye Felicia.

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:iconleneko:
leneko Featured By Owner Jul 18, 2015  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thanks for the watch! :3 <3
lg leneko
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:iconwilliamcote:
williamcote Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015  Student Digital Artist
Hi!!Sorry for the late, I just wanted to thank you for the fave, it really means a lot to me!! La la la la  I hope you'll have a nice and awesome day, keep sharing your cool work with us! Take care! Hug 
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:iconyukiwolfe:
YukiWolfe Featured By Owner Jul 14, 2015
Aww, thanks! Sorry for the late reply, but I do appreciate the kind words and the llama as well! Thank you so much!
Reply
:iconwilliamcote:
williamcote Featured By Owner Jul 19, 2015  Student Digital Artist
the pleasure's all mine dear Hug La la la la 
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:iconlydiakencana:
lydiakencana Featured By Owner May 29, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Hey there :wave: thank you soo much for the favveee Ule  it means a loott Onionhead Oish - Onion head 
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